disassociative disorder makes a lot more sense when considering this dual mind theory. to think that you can house two totally different sets of thinking without them necessarily being aware of each other - for the two seperate minds to be completely disassociative of each other. it boggles at least one of my minds.

i'm also at least half convinced, that bipolar can in part be explained by a dual mind theory. up. down. two seperate minds battling it out for control. explain to me how someone like that would not have a hard time functioning.

true mpd/dd, whichever you wish to call it stems from a severe emotional and/or physical trauma as a young child. children who are repeatedly violently sexually or physically abused are usually the ones who develop this second or third (or more) personality to deal with the abuse. they create a world where it never happens. but why does it only have to be this situation. i say that the potential to house more than one person in your brain is always there. after all, according to this theory we already have a back up waiting there all along. our dual minds are so integrated with each other that most can never tell the difference. they live in a single mind world. but there are those who function differently.

your average loner perhaps. the standard unstable girl who cries one moment and smiles the next. *ahem* my point is that perhaps the people who have the hardest time succeeding in the "real" world are those who are plagued most by seperating minds. i guess you could say maybe they just changed and blow it off...but of course they changed - it's the other mind controlling them now. i don't want this to sound like some episode of the outer limits where everyone is controlled by a personality hidden deep within themselves that is most suddenly and unexpectedly thrust into the foreground, but i'm not sure how else to word it. but now that i've explained - let me get to my real point...

i've looked inside my own mind tonight, a little reflection, some deep thought, and i've concluded that this is my problem. this dual mind is my major malfunction. in high school, i was the do gooder, the prude, the straight fucking As student. out of high school i could have graduated from college in 3 years. now, it's more like 6. leaving home opened up a pathway for some seperate personality to make it's way through. something that had been repressed for a long time. i gained a foul mouth, started binge drinking, dabbled in drugs, started smoking, shirking responsibilities. and i just can't seem to push that part of my mind back to where it belongs. only now i'm armed with knowledge. i know it's here. i'm going to start my fight to get the good shanna back. and to get my real life back. i'm tired of hiding in the shadows. i want to be back in the light.

i need to be back in the light.

before & after