anyway. we went to a club last night. i had a lot of fun. i'm sort of sore cuz i hadn't been dancing in over a year. there were a lot of overly drunk people there which i don't really understand i guess. i mean these people probably go to a club almost every weekend and then proceed to get totally sloshed and try to pick up someone and take them home. i'm sorry but you have to be a special kind of stupid to go home with someone like that.

i did dance with this one cute boy who smelled slightly of alcohol, sweat and cologne. it was just this perfect mix of good smellyness. i like the way guys smell, even the sweaty smell... well i guess to a point. some guys...like my roommate...smell like dying animals when sweaty. he also had this perfect amount of stubble on his face (of course) that was just enough to sort of, i dunno. it felt cool.

nights like last night really make me wish i had a boy to keep me company. maybe this semester i won't be so xenophobic this semester in my classes. i dunno. i need to do a lot of things this spring. get a job. get decent grades. get a boy. we'll see how things go.

i'm sort of in this state of mind where i'd rather be a dozen other places than here in austin right now. there's so much more waiting for me out in the world. i gotta get out of this place, if it's the last thing i ever i do.

nikolai is introspective.

before & after