I hate you. I despise you. I was alyways always always there for you, but now whenever i need you - even just to have a stupid conversation about something stupid you blow me off. trying to talk to you is like trying to talk to a soda cracker. sometimes i just want to hit you. but i don't. the only reason i don't is because you said your mom used to hit you, but that's probably a lie like everything else. i still remember the lies & the sneaking. i'm not as forgiving as most i guess. I hate you for what you've put me through & what you are still forcing upon me. & i hate your friends. except for one, but i have no respect for him so i guess it doesn't matter. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

love: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. A love affair. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

thank you for being there for me more than my own supposed best friend. i don't care whether you really meant what you said - okay i do, but my point is - i really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me when i needed someone to talk to even though you said you were busy. i love you. i do. maybe not the same kind of love that's defined above completely, but definitely love. i miss you when i don't talk to you, but you know that. i doubt everything that you say to me - can you blame me? i have serious trust issues that have nothing to do with you. so forgive me when i lie & say i trust you. i have to ask if you meant what you said. i really need to know for sure. thank you for enduring my uncertainty. thank you for being a better friend than a soda cracker.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

side note: notice how there are more definitions for love. yeah that probably says something or...something. um g'night & ciao lovies

nikolai loves you.

before & after