i don't understand. why is it ok for you to have double standards? bad if i do it, but okay for you. it's ridiculous. i don't want to argue or fight anymore than you do, but when you impose a double standard on me - i will fight you. it's not fair to me. & the way you left today...so abruptly, running away. that didn't make me any less angry. but i guess you don't really care. i don't see you hurting when i purposefully try to hurt you. maybe you see through it, maybe i'm not doing it right. you're awfully good at pressing my buttons. but you don't have any buttons for me to press. i can't get a reaction out of you. you don't respond to me at all. unless. unless you're getting something from me. & then you don't respond in any way that'd i'd like you to. you lied to me to get your way. that hurts me. more than anything you could ever do. it makes me cry. you made me cry today. i don't think you knew. i just thought you should know. if you ever read an entry in my diary again - this is the one i want you to remember. i want you to remember how you made me angry. how you hurt me. how you made me cry. how i was thisclose to cutting today. 8 months of no cutting. it would've been lost in a day. because you mean that much to me. i don't want to scare you. that's not what i'm trying to do. i just want you to know how i feel. this is what you do to me when you don't play by your own rules. i'm sorry for being belligerent as i was. but i didn't see any other way to get a reponse from you. i *still* have no idea what you think of me. i've never heard a straight answer yet. don't play games with me, please. i don't play them with you. if you just want sex than leave me alone now, before i fall too hard. i don't want to be hurt like that. i just want someone to like me. to hold me. to kiss me. to be there for me. to...tell me what they think. i think that's all i have to say. i hope you take this in the right way. & i hope you have a good vacation.

love, Shanna

before & after