i'm feeling much better since earlier this afternoon. I finally went back to my house - ate my first meal of the day around 530 pm & took some headache begone drugs. when i get migraines it stresses me out & makes me feel icky & therefore turns me into an evil bitch monster. but don't misunderstand - i'm *not* apologizing for being bitchy - i just thought i'd explain *why* i was. All those things on the list really piss me off, but that's different story for a different day.

I have my final presentation to do in 13 hours. i need to finish the paper & everything by 2 so that leaves 11 hours for that. plus i have to get dr coker the misogynistic bastard to sign my q drop form. i hope to god he signs it as a q drop. if not i get an f either way. god i'm fucked. i am really starting to hate this college thing. grrr. Oh & my ta decided not to have office hours today but to not tell anyone about that. so i all go to her office hours today to discuss my project only to discover she's not there. BITCH! so me & this other girl in my class waited for her but she never showed up. turns out me & the girl are interested in taking similar classes & have the same major/minor & both of our gpas suck big monkey cock. i've always hated this whole gpa thing. i came to school to learn not to be in some dumb contest. so the most busy work & you get a prize. yay! i'm all for the schools that don't give out grades. either that or all my teachers need to switch to essay tests because those are the only tests i can pass. most multiple guess tests i get Cs. what happened? when i was in normal school (not college) i made great grades with minimal effort - now i work my ass off to make Cs. double GRRR.

i went to mojos the coffee house today to play chess with miriam & michael. i'm getting a lot better at it. i only lost one out of the 3 games i played but it doesn't count b/c it was the first game & everyone knows the first game is the warm-up game ;) after dat we went & smoked some pot. then we watched the max. man that movie is fucked up. it messes with your brain. walking home i had a running reflective commentary. time would pass as eyes closed - when i opened them once again it was much later. i closed them for the what seemed to be forever - to find only 60 seconds had passed when i opened them once more... yeah exactly.

i am exhausted as always. DAMNIT WHY CAN'T I EVER SLEEP! i haven't been able to sleep since laura moved out of the room. incidentily - i've only had one other problem with demons in my room since she left & i think that was just a nightmare. i think she has demons following her. especially after some of the stuff she told me. if all the paranormal stuff in the world is known to be bunk - there is always one thing i will always believe in and that is demons. why? because if they aren't real then i hallucinate & that's even worse.

i'm going to start carrying around one of those teeny notebooks & write down the stuff i want to put in my diary. that way when i sit here to type it all in - i can't get mad anymore cuz i forgot it instantly.

heh. don't argue with computer people about flash. they worship it as their web page design god. but i *hate* it. flash pages take too damn long to load & a score of other things i hate about it. once i was gonna get someone to do the design (html) for my diary but then i decided to not be lazy b/c i can do all the code for what i wanted done - i just had to get motivated. which i hope you can all tell that i did evetually get motivated. oh & i'm working on buttons for the text links on the top. i'd be done with them but one of them is the wrong size (it was the first one i made) but that should be up soon. unless of course you absolutely adore text. but i like the buttons. i borrowed part of the idea for them from erin's diary, but snazzed it up a bit to suit my purposes. i took small rectangles out of the nikolai picture up top & used adobe filters & then add text & sometimes background colour. they look great.

wow this is insanely long now - thanks for reading. leave me a note in my guestbook & make my day :)

yours truly,

Nikolai

before & after