i know a guy. he's smart. and funny. and sexy. i love talking to him, in fact i do it almost every day. we joke about going to each other's respective cities and screwing like bunnies. he thinks i'm sexy. but lately. i am sort of...this will sound mean, i'm sorry :( but i'm disgusted by some of his actions. i read his entries about it and he always talks about it in a positive way, like it's not such a bad thing.

it makes me nauseous.

he's helping a girl cheat on her boyfriend. cheating on someone is lying to them. lying makes me sick. i've hated people for lying about less. maybe i'm defective in some way, but i really have no tolerance for lying to other people especially about important things.

it's the only part of me i can't control. my lying that is. that saying about how you only hate the things in other people that you hate in yourself is true i guess. i lie a lot. sometimes i'm not even sure what the truth is anymore. there's only one difference between my lies and the lies that really bother me.

my lies don't hurt people.

i would love to stay here and write more about it explore my pathology, but i have to finish packing to go home. i'll be in houston until wednesday or so. i'll still be online but whatever. feel free to be hurt by this, you know who you are. i'm sorry, but it's really been bothering me.

nikolai isn't here right now.

before & after