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04/12/2002| 4:01 am god? it's me again, Shanna i really want a cigarette. I shouldn't be trying to write this when i want a cigarette. so the diet thing is going good. i rarely drink more than one soda a day which is a lot better than the 3+ i was drinking. On a bad note, I'm smoking like a chimney, but it's starting to even itself out. I feel really good physically and i can't imagine what it'll feel like to be thin again. it's been a long time. fuck i don't even want to be thin, i'll settle for curvy or thick. it's seksier that way. changing thought... i watched a cheesy love story movie today. i think i'd seen it before yet i sat through the whole thing. that says something about the movie if i forgot watching it. i remember almost every movie i've ever seen. I remember watching necessary roughness which starred scott bakula when i was 11 or 12 and it was rated pg-13. i remember watching fantasia when i was...i dunno young. i remember watching feivel goes west while my mom saw JFK. I remember watching the land before time and pippi longstockings. i remember watching stargate with suzanne and her dad and sister when we were working on a school project before we were ever friends. i even remember the theatre i saw it at. i remember watching too much with antonio banderas and melanie griffith with my friend melissa. i can remember the theatre i saw it in for most of the movies i've seen. for others i could tell you where i rented it or what station i saw it on. ask me what i ate for breakfast yesterday and i'll stare at you blankly. why is that? why can i remember the tiniest details about movies, but i can't remember something about psychology for longer than half an hour? i'll tell you why, because i was never supposed to major in psychology. i was supposed to go to culinary school. i was supposed to be a chef. for example, when i was making the spring rolls i remembered watching a cooking show where they were making something asian and i modified the recipe like i saw on tv the day before and rob was amazed. i don't know why. but he was. i just remember weird things. star trek, cooking, star wars, some music, movies, criminology. not psychology. i hate you psychology. changing thought again... so like i was saying, i watched this cheesy love story movie. and the whole point of this entire rambling entry is that i want someone to fall in love with me like in the movies. i want some to write me love letters. i want poetry man. poetry. it's not fair. it happens to other people, why not me? what's that god? soon you say? soon what? that i go crazy or that someone loves me? |