you know what. i guess my little what do you fear entry really doesn't show the amount of crazy i was last night. i stayed up until 4 am talking to my roommate. and listening to his portishead cd after that. but it wasn't really what i did so much as the fact that my brain was all fuzzy and i was fighting back irrational tears. i wasn't even sad. i just wanted...needed to cry. but you know what. all this is curable by lotsa sleep.

mir and michael had a huge fight today. followed by making up directly afterwards. i'll leave the details out but. it was. BAD. very very BAD.

i went up to the art building to help him finish his prints for his intaglio class. remind me never to do that again. i had no idea what i was getting into. but i got dinner and a dr pepper out of it. on the downside i now smell like a mixture of kerosene, tar, methanol, and printing ink. yum. i think i should have left the shower for after we got home.

something you should do when bored: put on old american cartoons, mute it, and put on music. laugh at how well random cartoons and music go together.

and now for the stunning comclusion:
thanks for everyone who responded :) so now on to what i fear the most:
never falling in love. i have horrible self created nightmares in which i shrivel up and die an old maid having never felt anything significant for anyone else. it causes lots of problems in my life, i confuse infatuations and flirtations with what i think is love. to be a male friend of mine, you've probably suffered through a secret infatuation/crush that maybe you never knew about but in which i was completely convinced that i was madly in love and you were the perfect person for me. i'm gettin better at it. i recognize it now before it happens. i don't let it go so far. but i'm still horribly afraid of never falling in love.

and that's that.

nikolai is tired and dizzy from all the chemicals

before & after