i thought that taking a small trip to new orleans would make the travel itch a little less itchy...but you know how when you scratch something it just makes it worse than before? i need to get out of here. i need to...fuck why did i renew my lease. i wish all of my worldly posessions would fit in a bag that i could carry on my back. i wish for a lot of things that will only come true if i get off of my ass and do them.

i don't want to go to the psychiatrist. but maybe i will go to the psychologist. maybe.

sometimes i wish people would stay the fuck out of my business. of course, i can never keep out of theirs. i'm a hypocrite.

i am tired this week. and i don't feel like talking to anyone really. i am. tired. of diary reviews. i want to keep reviewing, but i want to go at -my- pace.

why is everything so complicated? why does society teach that being with a man is the only way to be happy, but then tell you that you will never get a man unless you look like the cookie cutter girl that doesn't exist? why do people like people who are average looking? where's the beauty in that? why are there people shorter than me? oh sorry, i know the answer to that one- so's i can pick on them.

why am i happy one day and then loathe myself the next?

nikolai. is. dead.

before & after