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::Control:: �new �old �profile �note �book �rings �bio �cast ::Celebrity:: �Pocket Bishonen �my alter ego �sacred cave �recommend �82% untelligent ::Previously:: 02/28/2007 - lj 12/07/2005 - moved. 07/20/2003 - legally gay 2 04/12/2003 - be my light in the gloom 04/07/2003 - the best entry i have ever written in my entire life ::Diaries:: �abhorsen �Aeryn42 �annericefan �arkham13 �greschya �justchris �scathing words [john's blog] �larrielou �perceptions �rachelle- �solstice36 �thatkiss �unclaimed �wandering41 �whale-girl 
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::?:: Seeing: Hearing: Saying: poor mark caught in the middle. he did it to himself. ::Links:: �diaryreviews �dland god/des �dreamreviews �fucklist �interview �oddgoogle �poti reviews �quoted �r-e-v-i-e-w �rudereviews ::Inner Demons:: �winsomekitty �misskitty.scathing �new orleans pictures �dirtyshirt dezines �ask-alice �fat.girlie �niku_neko.lj |
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09/03/2002| 12:27 am it's not what you eat it's how you spend it the world always ends up disappointing me, and i'm not quite sure how it happens. everytime i get up and over my shortcomings in the mental wellness department is the time when everyone around me turns into the depression monsters from hell. depressed people know how to do only 2 things. make themselves depressed and make other depressed. you have to learn how to deal with the depression and get over it. so as this cycle happens again, so have i once again been the victim of a depressed person. i'm so angry i can't even speak about it with my family without yelling. someone close to me has hurt me more than they'll ever know. and it seems to be irreparable this time. i see no point in continuing a friendship with them when all they bring to me is lies and a burden. i am so angry that they would even have the gall to accuse me of taking advantage of -anyone- let alone her. as much as i have given to her without thanks or recognition, she should consider herself lucky i'm even still friends with her. i have paid the majority of the bills the entire time we've lived together - not counting once when she called her mom to pay the bills. i've done the majority of the cleaning. I haven't cleaned as much lately because i wasn't there, i didn't have the time, and i was just fucking tired of everything being one way. i've bought the majority of the house food, including sodas. i've been willing to be there for her in times of need, but find myself often lied to and used until someone "better" comes along and then i am promptly thrown to the side. of course you can guess who is -never- and i mean never there for me at any time. whenever i do confide in her and ask her not to tell anyone - the whole world will soon know. the more i think on it, the less i can see any possible proof or examples that i've taken advantage of anyone. except for maybe my mother's generosity with money. which brings me to the real matter at hand. perhaps i'm not taking advantage of her so much as she's jealous that i don't have a job and my parents help me out financially because i'm a full time student. perhaps she has problems with money and can't see why her parents won't give her money when she just recently flunked out of school. and perhaps she's also mad because she's an alcoholic and i wouldn't give her the last of -MY- bottle of vodka of which she already drank 80% of it. (i've had one shot- she's had the rest- without asking) so perhaps the real question is why is someone that is supposedly my friend acting so childish? Nikolai can't answer that question. |