oh not so big news. I got another review in...it's here heaven reviews. 88/100. She was more honest than the other reviewers. My goal is to get a bad review. I really want one. I want someone to tell me I suck and why they think i suck and how i can not suck anymore. (lay off the sexual jokes guys) I know my diary hasn't been the most introspective of late. or really even that funny. i'm slipping guys. at least my updates are longer now that i've only been updating every 3 days. only problem is - i get pissed at myself for only updating every 3 days. I forget important things i wanted to share with everyone. the funny stories start to fade. blah.

i think i have a very histrionic personality. I looove stories. I like to te stories. I don't really like to listen to them unless i've never heard any like it before. Usually when people tell me stories, my brain is processing all the stories it can remember by keywords ready to pull up a story out of the old memory banks that is similar and or better than the other person's. I can't help it. I'm very bad at interrupting people. I am the embodiement of that interrupting cow knock knock joke.

"Knock-knock"
"who's there?"
"interrupting cow."
"interrupting cow.."
"MOO!"

i have this problem. i generally speak before i think because i have this tendency to not think of anything as taboo. i'm not afraid to say things that might offend people because i've gotten it my whole life. once i was standing in line at wal mart with miriam, and i turned around and for the first time i noticed her nose was crooked. and i said that. "you're nose is crooked" rather matter of factly with only the tiniest bit of "wow i've never noticed that before..." needless to say, she took it the wrong way, and for the next 30 minutes held her hand over her nose. she hasn't let me forget this. ever. i don't feel i have anything to feel bad about. it was an observation. people shouldn't be so self conscious.

of course i'm the same way. it's okay for me to be straightforward with you. but please don't compliment me. i don't know how to take them. never got them. and for the love of all things holy, don't criticize me, i got too much of that. that's why people don't really like me. i think small talk is stupid and i'd rather people just not talk to me. unless they understand me. then. then i could talk to you for hours.

i'm not really sure what i'm talking about anymore, so i'm gonna go over here -points to room- and go to sleep.

nikolai sends kisses to her batman.

before & after