::Control::
new
old
profile
note
book
rings
bio
cast
email

::Celebrity::
Pocket Bishonen
my alter ego
sacred cave
recommend
82% untelligent

::Previously::
02/28/2007 - lj
12/07/2005 - moved.
07/20/2003 - legally gay 2
04/12/2003 - be my light in the gloom
04/07/2003 - the best entry i have ever written in my entire life

::Diaries::
abhorsen
Aeryn42
annericefan
arkham13
greschya
justchris
scathing words [john's blog]
larrielou
perceptions
rachelle-
solstice36
thatkiss
unclaimed
wandering41
whale-girl
dirty shirt designs
host
marilyn monroe ::?::
Seeing:
Hearing:
Saying:
::Links::
diaryreviews
dland god/des
dreamreviews
fucklist
interview
oddgoogle
poti reviews
quoted
r-e-v-i-e-w
rudereviews

::Inner Demons::
winsomekitty
misskitty.scathing
new orleans pictures
dirtyshirt dezines
ask-alice
fat.girlie
niku_neko.lj





visitors
02/14/2002| 10:13 am
sigh.
The current mood of Nikolai at www.imood.com
my one year diaryland anniversary came and went over a week ago. i have nothing to show for a year's worth of introspection.

i spent so much time trying not to be depressed, trying not to cry all the time or just do stupid depressed type things. but i guess it wasn't enough. i built my own little happy ecosystem. i was in control. and then. my illusion fell...i wasn't in control. it was like 50 million years of evolution lost by slashing and burning one measly acre in the rainforest that is shanna.

that is a stupid analogy.

i am not very happy right now so i am just going to do something else.

nikolai despises you all, but you'd never know unless i told you.

before & after