i slept the rest of tuesday in the day and woke to people knocking on the door. i find out that it was the drug dealers upstairs with shrooms. 2 and half grams for 20$ so i bought those. then mir and i bonded with a shroom experience. she now understands the beauty of shrooms. they are the most wonderful things in the world. when you can lay on your back and watch the clouds swirl like a lava lamp and everything looks like a landscape from what dreams may come or whatever it's called (the robin williams movie). plants give you the secrets of the universe and god talks to you in the wind. you have to feel everything and you feel everything with your soul. you can remember the future and find happiness in a bowl of ice cream. after mir and i walked around outside for 3 hours experiencing the beauty of the world through changed eyes, we bribed rob to take us to ihop. we didn't stay long because kevin and rob were whiney and there were lots of loud drunk people and delvin and sam were busy. i came home and layed in mir's bed and she read me a chapter from grendel by john gardner to put me to sleep. it's funny because i still remember reading that chapter almost 4 years ago. all in all i had a wonderful time the past 2 days.

i am apprehensive and excited about the near future in ways you can not imagine. what will happen with delvin? will i make it to ohio? will i have fun? wil my birthday rock or suck? i can only wait and see. in the meantime i will do what i always do and think and overanalyze what happened in the past and think about the revelations i made about myself last night. i will talk about those in another entry.

i may not update for a few days while i'm in ohio unless i can find an internet cafe. i have to go finish packing now. i love all of you guys. oh and to the people who recently added me as favourites. i love you and will do stuff later. you will see.

nikolai likes boys.

before & after